Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
