It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
