yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize