TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
