He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
