I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
