well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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