Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
