I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
