12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
