He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
