she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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