Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
