Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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