Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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