We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize