I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
