i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize