Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
