i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
