I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
