I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
