I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
