Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
