ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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