ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
