i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
