Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
