Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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