Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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