Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
3 2 1 whiskey
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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