I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize