Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
