so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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