I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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