i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
