you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
