Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I want to fling myself into the sun
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
