omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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