pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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