I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dignity is for republicans.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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