we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
