drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My balls are so social today.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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