Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
