I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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