You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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