Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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