Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
