Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize