It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
