Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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