it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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