He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
