so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
