ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
