she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
