It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
