One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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