you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
