every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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