I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
