How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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