oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The adults are the big ones right?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize