well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
