I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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