I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
