you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
