You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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