I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
