you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
