Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
