my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
