I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
