I feel like abortions should bother me more
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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