What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i dont even know how to be here
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
