This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
