First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
