It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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