Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
