In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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