Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
