And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
not ubering you a puppy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
