I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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